you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
