Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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