im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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