Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I am naked and annoyed.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
