Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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