i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
