ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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