In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
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