so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
