We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
