I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
