Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
