so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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