Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
