yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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