Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
