You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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