just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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