they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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