No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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