dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
