Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
