And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just found a bag of teeth...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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