i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
