you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
