I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
