She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
