peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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