Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
