Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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