Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
