Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
