so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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