Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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