can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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