If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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