i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
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