You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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