a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
