That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
