He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize