No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
