i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
