Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
