Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
