you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
