The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
