This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
