summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
