You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize