ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
