:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
