Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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