why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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