I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
