I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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