Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
