Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
