hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
