Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
