Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
