Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
