oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
