I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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