I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
