"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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