youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
