Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My dick has a subreddit
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
