Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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