They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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