The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
