That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
