she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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