she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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