your room smells of hookers.
And success
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
