; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
